Some Big Stuff, If I Do Say So Myself

So, it's been an interesting week. I would do a 7 quick takes, but not sure I have 7 subjects.

The story of the toddler death that I posted a few days ago has been haunting me. I can't get the mother's words out of my mind. I can't even imagine the level of loss she has experienced and don't even want to imagine it. Now granted, I am the kind of mother who medicates at the first sign of a fever and runs to the ER more often than I'd care to admit, but this story just validated that you must always trust your mommy gut. Always. It is never wrong.

On another note - through Facebook, I have made contact with my half sister. It's crazy. Really crazy. To make a very long story short, my mother had 2 more children after she had my brother and I. They were also abused and they were also removed from her custody. I knew they existed, but not much more than that. When I was 21, one of them wrote to me (she was 14) and tried to make contact. I could tell in the letter that even though she'd been adopted, she still had a very open relationship with my mother and that made me very uncomfortable, so I sort of put the letter to the side and tried to forget about it.

Last week, when cleaning the garage, I came up on this letter from 1992.

I saw her name and just on a lark, decided to look her up on Facebook. Imagine my surprise when her name popped up. She had a different last name, but showed her home state of Hawaii, so I kind of knew then that chances were, it was her.

I sent her a private message via facebook. She responded. It was her.

Over the course of the last week, we have gone back and forth and are attempting to get to know one another, putting the missing pieces of both of our lives together. I know things about my mother's family, she knows nothing. She had a relationship with my mother all of these years and knew her as a real person, I never did.

We have shared our stories with one another and it saddens to me know that she does not know who her father is and the abuse that she endured as a young child, very similar to what my brother and I experienced. I admire her strength and perspective. She forgave my mother a long time ago and does not understand why her family never tried to help her. I don't have these same questions as the answers were always very clear. My mother was an embaressment for them and they wanted her as far away from them as humanly possible.

I'm still digesting this new state of having a biological half sister out there in the world. I see my brother in her face, myself in her smile. She is already calling me "sis" and I'm not sure if I'm altogether comfortable with that, but we shall see. I feel strongly that I found that letter last week for a reason and I'm trying to just go with the flow of the universe.

That's kind of my new thing. I'm reading "The Secret," dontcha know.

Oh yes. My boss has decided not to sell the house we live in until January, so we are not moving to the small house in September. This is huge. My head is spinning. I was thinking we were not going to leave, that it seemed more and more wrong as the fall loomed closer.

And here we are.